Pillow talk

We had a rare, kid-free night last night. Just me and Daddy watching silly stuff on TV and eating burned sweet potato fries. We got a chance to be silly without also trying to orchestrate teeth brushing and bed time. All the trips for glasses of water were us. Truth be told, I had a free night on the night before since Daddy and SmartyPants stayed at his brother's house. So, the last 48 hours have been rather... quiet.

The beginning of this week started with a bang in regards to SmartyPants and The Incubator. She stood him up on Sunday. She made a big deal out of texting him for four days telling him she would see him Sunday and she'd pick him up after church and yadda yadda. Before she gave him the cell phone, we could protect him from her BS. She'd ask for him and we'd say yes but not tell him so that he wouldn't be broken-hearted when she didn't show. Now she has a direct link to crush his little heart. So Sunday rolls around and he is in high spirits. He is sweet and positive and ready for the day. Unbeknownst to him, we had a play date scheduled on Sunday just in case. There is no call from The Incubator before church. No return of texts sent. So we tell him about the play date. Swimming - his favorite - at a friend's house. Now we have a dilemma. He's torn between going to play at the pool with his friend or going with his mom. My solution? Invite mom to the pool. If she doesn't want to swim, he says he wants to go with her more. Okay.

More texts sent. This time from all three of us. Me offering a swimsuit if she didn't have one (ha, no getting out of this, hooker). Daddy telling her it's at a friend's house that she knows and how that friend would love to catch up with her. And SmartyPants, begging. Finally, she says yes and tells us to send her directions and she will see us in a bit. Two hours later and she texts Daddy and tells him that she and Mr. Love (This is the term for any boyfriend. We can't remember their names) went out drinking last night and she doesn't feel good so maybe she could see him on Tuesday. What. The. CRAP! Ugh! Then she texts SmartyPants and tells him that her belly hurts real real bad but she loves him and she will call him after a nap. He melts down at the pool. We soothe his sore little soul and get on about the day.

Tuesday rolls around, she sees him for a couple hours then decides to bring him home because she doesn't want to get up "early" and bring him home before work. She is scheduled at 2p.m. <Insert eye rolls here> Oh well, I want her to be a better mom, but if she is only going to do it half-way, then I would rather have him home with us. So, last night he stays with his cousins for the night. It's 9:30 and Daddy and I have managed to not talk about anything that sucks (re: The Incubator). Daddy's phone goes off. It's a message from SmartyPants which reads "I miss my mom." Daddy tells him that he's sorry and offers to go get him from his cousins. He declined. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I messaged him that I love him and told him good night. He sent back "You too." Now I am ready to cry and I am hoppin' mad at The Incubator. I tell him that he should go wash his face with cold water and see if it helps him feel calm so he can sleep. A few minutes go by and I get a response telling me thanks and that he did it and it helped.

Now that I feel like he is gonna be okay for the night I am ticked. I tell Daddy that I am at the point where I can't hold my tongue any more. Being a dutiful girlfriend/domestic partner/wife/stepmom is no longer going to allow me to keep my trap shut. I think The Incubator can sense it because she has stopped texting me to organize pick-ups and drop-offs. That was our common ground. I am tired of stewing over her lack of commitment to her. own. child. I asked Daddy when we would finally decide that seeing his mom is not as important as protecting him from her. Daddy said he wonders if that time isn't now.

I thought that would make me feel relieved. It made me feel sick. I don't want to have to keep them apart. I want her to be a better person. But in lieu of that, and considering that we have given her years and she has been court ordered to stop being a selfish jerkhole, I just want him to not be hurt anymore. I want the cell phone to get "misplaced". I want Daddy (or me) to get a job out of state. At least then he could have a reason to be mad at us for not being able to see her. And also a little protected from the let down.

I guess my plans for a quiet night snuggling and being all goofy and squooshy about each other weren't meant to be. But that's okay, I would trade every night of pillow talk to stand up for our kid. Even if it is from across town and through texts. At least he knows we are never far away.